• About
  • Biography
  • Black – From the Book: Colors
  • Children’s Fiction
  • Clean Slate a Very Short Story by Jay Magidson
  • Excerpt from the book – “Threshold of the Mind”
  • Fiction
  • Gauze – Excerpt from “Colors”
  • Nonfiction
  • Poetry
  • Videos

Jay Magidson – Author

~ Books by Jay Magidson

Jay Magidson – Author

Category Archives: colors

Through the Blackness of Fear – Origins of a Short Story

17 Monday Aug 2015

Posted by Jay Magidson in colors, fiction, Horror, ideas, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

black thoughts, colors by jay magidson, dreams, fears, ideas, inspiration

Colors by Jay Magidson is now available in print

Colors by Jay Magidson

Sometimes an idea builds inside like a kind of spiritual pressure, threatening to overwhelm the holder, even consume him. This happened to me about ten years ago. I had been writing short stories over the past year. There was no thought to what they might be used for or why I was writing them, just when they came up, I would commit them to paper. It was only recently that I even understood their purpose, and their power in my life.

Each story had a single color as its title. The first was Gray, the Kafkaesque tale of a man lost in a featureless city. Another was Yellow, about an antique’s dealer consumed slowly each night by a dead cat representing his contradictory life.

The story that began to overwhelm me, I later called Black. It started as only a seed of a feeling, a bit of undefined anxiety. I would wake at night with a deep, unexplainable fear. Everything was going well in my life and I had no reason to feel this way. I pushed it aside, ignoring it as just general anxiety about life. But it grew stronger until it began to consume me, holding a kind of opaque fabric in front of my vision.

I lost quite a bit of sleep, lying there, desperately trying to push the horrible feelings away, running from this undefinable dark fog. Out of desperation on the third night, I got up, my stomach in a deeply clenched knot and sat in front of my computer and began to write. Without thinking about it, the words began to pour out of my fingers and instead of feeling relief and peace, the way I usually do when I sit down to write, the fear grew worse. I realized there was no way around this feeling, that the only way out, was through the blackness. I was terrified.

With a deep breath, I dove into the bleak feeling and for the first time, touched it. The best I can describe it, was like a kind of river flowing beneath the surface of my life, a river of unexplored pain. I dipped my hand into that river, touching its icy thickness. The fear and anxiety only grew worse, and I knew what I must do in that moment. I had to jump in.

The story began to flow like nothing else I had ever written before, nothing related to my life, as if I were a completely different person releasing this horrible and dark crime that had been eating at me, consuming me with guilt until I couldn’t bear it anymore.

The entire story came out that night, in one marathon sitting. And when I laid done the final period I was free. The fear had left me, replaced with a deep sense of gratitude and wonder at life. I had dove through that river of pain and had been cleansed by its fire, rising up on the other side a different, better person.

I’ve put the short story online here, if you would like to read it. It is surreal and personal, without any reference in my life. I read it now, still wondering where it can from, or why I wrote it, not really sure what it means. I only know that I had to write it, had to release it, or would have been consumed by it.

I think we misunderstand fear, shying away from it, avoiding the pain it represents. And when that suggests bodily injury, that’s probably wise, a mechanism for keeping us safe, built into our DNA. But there is another kind of fear, that which we need to embrace. It holds a deep kind of meaning on the other side of its invisible veil; we must leap the chasm with only our faith to keep us aloft. And on the other side is peace, growth, understanding, and maybe if we are lucky, a bit of wisdom.

 

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

When There was an East Berlin

24 Wednesday Jun 2015

Posted by Jay Magidson in books, colors, discovery, fiction, Science Fiction, writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Berlin, Berlin Wall, Checkpoint Charlie, Copenhagen, DDR, East Germany, Eurail, Soviet Union

berlin wall- wireThe dark sky overhead threatens snow as I walk the nearly deserted streets. Ominous gray buildings with their unlit windows reflect the steely sky, glowering down at me. Out of nowhere, a lone man rushes by, I can’t see what he looks like, the collar of his long wool coat pulled up to hide his face.  He moves close enough that I hear his accented whisper, “Go home, this place is not for you.”

That was winter 1980 in a city that no longer exists today. Well, it does exist, but not its name, East Berlin. This is the real story of how I found myself in a city surrounded by razor wire and land mines.

Copenhagen

Copenhagen

I spent my final year of college in Copenhagen, Denmark, a fantastically beautiful city, full of charm and history. In between semesters, many of the foreign students traveled, bought ridiculously affordable Eurail passes and used them to go as far and as wide a possible during the two week break. I went with a friend to Germany, along the Rhine visiting castles and breweries. We parted ways to travel alone and increase the adventure. You meet people when you travel alone; you have to, or you go crazy. I learned quickly that language isn’t the biggest barrier to communication, fear is. I found that if you try to talk to someone, whether you know their language or not, you can communicate pretty well.

So somewhere in Western Germany at a youth hostel on my winter break, I decided to go to Berlin. Sounded good, why not. After World War II, Germany was divided into two countries, West Germany and the DDR (Deutsche Demokratische Republik), or East Germany, as everyone outside of the country called it. They were still divided in 1980 and I wanted to see the scary half. West Germany was like the rest of Europe, easy travel, friendly people and they honored my Eurail passes. But East Germany was verboten, off limits, a Soviet state, unknown and tempting. So crazy 20 year-old me had to go.

By this point in my European travels, I had been to Poland, Hungary and Yugoslavia, also Soviet block countries. I didn’t know it at the time, but I think I had a sense all of this would disappear in time, the separateness, the old countries held onto with the iron grip of the USSR. And I wanted to see it before it went away.

Berlin

Berlin

Berlin, the giant decadent German metropolis, was also split into East and West, a city arbitrarily cut in half. The strange thing about this arrangement was that West Berlin being in the Eastern part of Germany was surrounded by East Germany, essentially an island in another country. So when I and my fellow travelers took the train from Western Germany to West Berlin, we traveled through miles and miles of East Germany. The train was like a space craft, rushing through the forbidden void, where we were allowed to breathe the air, look out the window, but nothing more.

The train stopped just before entering Berlin in a kind of special security station. The doors were not opened and no one was allowed off the train. Soon, black uniformed police officers and dogs (yes, German Shepherds) worked their way through the compartments, inspecting bags, lifting seats and pulling parts of the ceiling down looking for illegal and smuggled substances, drugs I assumed, since I didn’t speak any German.

leaving sectorAfter an hour or so of this unnerving experience, the train continued on to Berlin. It was about 4 in the afternoon, in late December, and like most of Central Europe in the winter, dreary and cold, but it wasn’t dark. Berlin was brilliantly lit and lively. That was a long time ago, but I assume it is even more so today. A big lively, energetic city in the middle of this other country. It was a strange feeling, like they were trying to make up for their oppressed brethren by being even livelier than they had to be. “Party like it’s 1999” and all that.

I didn’t have much money, so I stayed in some youth hostel or cheap hotel. The next day, I went to the American Embassy to get a visa to visit East Berlin, that’s why I came all this way after all. The young woman at the window asked me why I wanted to do that, did I have family, business, diplomatic interests? Nope, I just wanted to see it. “Are you sure?” She asked. “Yeah, I’m sure.” I replied, not at all sure. I gave them the $25 and got a huge colorful stamp in my passport that allowed me 24 hours in East Germany. “Be sure to be back before your visa expires.” She warned me. “What happens if I don’t make it in time?” I asked. “Just be back.” She said seriously.

Berlin Wall

Berlin Wall

Of course, I didn’t have a car and you can’t exactly hitch-hike across a mine field, so I walked. This part of my travels was worth the entire trip. Forget East Germany, Berlin, lights, and whatever was on the other side of that high cinder-block wall, just walking through a military check point will satisfy almost any travel junky.

If you are under 40 years old, you may have no idea what I’m talking about, but try to understand, West Berlin was big and exciting, tall buildings, music, food, beer, you know, a modern energetic city. And East Berlin was the complete opposite, gray and dark, no lights, low rise, oppressive Soviet style buildings and probably (just to torture the Germans) bad beer. Berlin is built on a slight hill, West Berlin was on the upper slope, so those in the Eastern half could see it, look up at all that shiny fun, they just couldn’t get there. That was just cruel.

Checkpoint Charlie

Checkpoint Charlie

Friedrichstrasse or Checkpoint Charlie was one of the pathways from West to East. That’s what it was called before they pulled it all down and rejoined the two German halves back together in 1990.  The two cities were divided by a tall, ugly cinder-block wall covered in graffiti on the eastern side. It was topped with razor wire and broken glass.   After that, a wide, dead stretch of land filled with land mines ended in a tall chain-link fence, and also topped with razor wire, and you were on the western side of the city.  Every 100 feet or so, a tower rose along the fence, each housed with soldiers armed with search lights and automatic rifles, and probably heavier weapons. Imagine guards in a prison tower and multiply that by 10. Checkpoint Charlie was the route through this dead zone. It was designed for vehicles, zigzagging, so you couldn’t force your way through. As I walked through this maze of soldiers and concrete, my visa and passport was checked three times. I was frisked, smelled by dogs, asked several times what my business in East Berlin was, and reluctantly allowed into the other side.

Checkpoint Charlie

Checkpoint Charlie

Suddenly, and anti-climatically, I found myself in East Berlin with no plan, and no idea that my American passport with its current and legitimate visa was probably worth killing for. Only looking back now, do I realize how foolish and dangerous my actions had been. That scary wall and field of landmines was there for a reason, and people died regularly trying to cross it into West Berlin. But God protects children and stupid tourists.

East Berlin

East Berlin

They made me convert 100 of my precious US dollars into East German Marks. Two problems with that, 1) nothing to buy, and 2) you couldn’t take the currency out when you left. This was becoming an expensive trip for a poor college student. But I plunged on, there must be something to do here, it was a pretty big city after all. I walked into the bleak streets of East Berlin, heavy dark buildings greeted me on the wide boulevards, but there are no shops or restaurants, and more strange than that, no people. Everyone must be inside hiding from the KGB or something. I walked on, but the landscape didn’t change much and it was cold. No benches, no cafes or bookstores, no castles or even churches. This is where bad tourists go after they die, those who didn’t lead a good enough life to get into Paris. I looked back and there was West Berlin rising above on its hill, all lights and fun, and more importantly right now, food.berlin wallA little bored, but not ready to give up, I walked on. That’s when the stranger passed me. “Go home, this place is not for you.” He said in a thick German accent, gone before I even understood what he had told me.

In that moment, I realized where I was and what danger I might be in. This stranger, too afraid to even slow down and talk to me, had warned me. It was like a scene out of a Cold War spy novel. I immediately turned around and walked back toward the transfer building, constantly looking over my shoulder, starting at shadows or any stray movement. An hour later, I arrived, relatively safe in the eastern check point building . There were lots of soldiers, and thankfully a diner. I spent as much of my play money on the food as I could. Unfortunately, it was as cheap as it was terrible. I gave up and went back through Check Point Charlie, somewhat disappointed and tired.

The thing about travel adventures is that they are always better in remembrance than at the time. I didn’t really give the experience much thought in my two days in Berlin, but only later when I saw myself standing in that empty bleak city with the gray sky. Everything about it was oppressive, as if it were designed to crush the spirit of all who lived there. I’ll never forget the feeling of that city, or the man’s voice who warned me.

Colors by Jay Magidson - Now Available in Print

Colors, the book

Prologue:

I told you this story so I could explain where ideas come from. This experience gave me the idea for a short story I titled, Gray, which I wrote 30 years later. While writing it, I hadn’t realized where I had seen the gray city or the steel sky of my story. But it had stayed in my consciousness, all those years, like a seed waiting patiently to germinate. That year, I wrote eight more short stories and combined them into a book called Colors.  Only looking back now, as I write this, do I realize that all of it, the experience, the stories, even this essay is an attempt to understand and describe the feeling of East Berlin on that winter day, so long ago.

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

The Book – Colors – Reviewed in the Mensa Bullettin

06 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by Jay Magidson in books, colors, Gauze, Horror, kindle, mensa, Reviews

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Book Reviews, colors, jay magidson, Mensa, New Books

Mensa Bulletin - Mar 2013

Mensa Bulletin – Mar 2013

The Mensa Bulletin (national magazine for members of Mensa) reviewed the book Colors by Jay Magidson in their March 2013 issue.  Now come on, how cool is that!  If it’s good enough for Mensa, don’t you think you should get a copy too!

Colors is available on Amazon in print and for the Kindle

More information about Mensa

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

Explore Books in Aspen Now Selling Jay Magidson’s Books

21 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by Jay Magidson in books, colors, Explore Booksellers, fiction, Horror, new release

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Aspen, Aspen Institute, Aspen Writers Foundation, Colorado, Explore Books, horror, Local Bookstore, New Books, new release, Sam Wyly, Shira's Wish

Explore BooksExplore Book Sellers in Aspen, one of the great independent book stores in the region is now selling Colors and Shira’s Wish by Jay Magidson. There was a demand to buy the book locally and one couldn’t wish for a better venue.

Aspen has long been know for its love of intellectual pursuits, being the home of The Aspen Institute and the Aspen Writer’s Foundation. Famous and influential writers often come here to speak or participate. The Explore Booksellers is the central venue for book signings and writer appearances on the Western Slope of Colorado. Colors and Shira’s Wish are in good hands.

Thank you for supporting our local bookstore.

A little history of the Explore Booksellers

The Billionaire and the Bookstore

The Wall Street Journal
October 5, 2007

ASPEN, Colo. — For more than 30 years, Explore Booksellers was a quiet refuge from Aspen’s burgeoning wealth and development.

The bookstore and cafe, located in a Victorian house off Main Street, remained locally owned even as other shops were replaced by chain stores or luxury retailers. Explore’s outspoken owner, Katherine Thalberg railed against the McMansions going up all over the resort town and the loss of “old Aspen,” with its bohemian artists, beat-up Jeeps and counterculture heroes like writer Hunter S. Thompson.

Customers could curl up with a book on the Oriental rugs, chat with the staff about Expressionist poets or eat at the upstairs bistro, which features vegetarian fare such soy burgers, carrot juice and vegan chocolate fudge cake.

The shop also was Ms. Thalberg’s political base, where she organized crusades against fur coats, George W. Bush and the Iraq war. She helped raise money for Ralph Nader and campaigned for John Kerry during the 2004 election. And she picked out all the shop’s books, an assortment heavy on animal-rights titles.

So it came as something of a shock to Aspen when Ms. Thalberg died last year and Explore Booksellers was sold. Even more surprising was the buyer: Sam Wyly — the Texas billionaire who was a top supporter of George W. Bush and helped fund the “swift boat” ads that helped defeat Mr. Kerry.

“You can’t have Sam Wyly’s history and claim to want to continue Katherine’s legacy at Explore,” says Phyllis Bronson, a biochemist in Aspen who was one of Ms. Thalberg’s closest friends. “The history of Explore is politically rich. Her politics and the store were closely intertwined.”

Read the rest of this intriguing and surprising story…

 

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

Another Exciting Review for the Book Colors – “…Couldn’t put it down…”

17 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by Jay Magidson in books, colors, ebook, fiction, Gauze, Horror, new release, Reviews

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Book Review, books, dark fiction, horror, indie books, new literature, new novels, new release

From Facebook:

Shirley McDonald

What a wonderful read! At one point I found myself wanting to scream, “Don’t go back.” I don’t often want to scream at a character in a book. I did while reading Colors. I was pulled into each chapter and found it hard to put the book down. I was sad when I finished the last page. Not because the story was incomplete; But because it was complete and I would have to find a new book to read which I may or may not enjoy as much. I am looking forward to Jay Magidson’s next book which will be released in fall of this year.

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

Rave Reviews for Colors: “…I couldn’t stop my pulse from racing…”

11 Saturday Aug 2012

Posted by Jay Magidson in books, colors, ebook, fiction, Gauze, Horror, kindle, new release, Rabinow, Reviews

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Book Reviews, dark fiction, horror, literature, Magidson, New Books, Psychology, Rabinow

Here is a rave review of “Colors” I received today:

Jay….

Oh wow!!! Oh my!!! I couldn’t put the book down; at times I couldn’t stop my pulse from racing; at times I wanted to rush to your house and take away all pills and sharp knives from your cupboards and drawers.

I could hear you intellectually creatively gasping for the breath of air and for the beauty of nature and open space. You wrote about other worlds/this world and you wrote about your past [or your fears during it] and the future that you are creating for yourself.

You are a brave man! And an excellent storyweaver. Bravo

In the Depths of Beaver Creek by Kathryn Rabinow

In the Depths of Beaver Creek by Kathryn Rabinow

After I finished your book—Colors—I felt a great need to create. And to create something colorful and mysterious. Something to cause people to perhaps stop and look and reflect and look deeper into the depths—of a forest, a soul or a stream.

Here is my IN THE DEPTHS OF BEAVER CREEK

cheers,

 Kitty

Kathryn (Kitty) Rabinow is a former psychologist/professor of psychology at the University of Houston, Board Director of the Children’s Museum of Houston, world traveler, poet and artist of photography.  Her work can be seen at www.kathrynrabinowphotography.net/

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

Colors Now Available on Kindle and iPad

08 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by Jay Magidson in books, colors, ebook, fiction, Gauze, ipad, kindle, new release

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

book books for kindle, colors by jay magidson, dark fiction, horror on ipad, new literature, short shories

Colors Now Available on Kindle

Colors Now Available on Kindle

Colors by Jay Magidson is now available on Kindle and other eBook formats.  If you are an Amazon Prime member you can even borrow it for free!  Of course you can still get it in print form.

Thank you everyone for the great comments.  There is nothing better than knowing that readers enjoy your work.  I would love it if you would share those comments on Amazon.  It helps others too.

Two ways to get Colors now:

Only $3.99 for eBook (Kindle, iPad, etc.).
Only $9.99 in Print

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

Read the Color Gauze Online for Free

03 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by Jay Magidson in books, colors, fiction, Gauze, new release

≈ Leave a comment

Thank you all for the great response to the release of Colors last week.  I’m overwhelmed by your reaction and kind words.  And thank you for buying a copy of my book.  I know you have a million choices of what to read; you honor me by choosing my book. I’d love to hear your comments.

For those of you who have not had a chance to see the book, I’ve put the short story Gauze here in its entirety.  It is one of the stories from Colors.  I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for your support and literary eyes.

Click to Read Gauze online

Click to Buy Colors online

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

Colors, by Jay Magidson, is Now Available in Print

28 Saturday Jul 2012

Posted by Jay Magidson in books, colors, fiction, new release

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

books, colors, horror, jay magidson, literature, new fiction

Colors by Jay Magidson is now in print.

Colors by Jay Magidson - Now Available in PrintFrom the Back Cover:

Nine Colors – Nine Chances
After a bitter fight with his girlfriend, Paul finds himself lost in a strange part of the city, broke, and alone at night in the freezing rain. Suddenly he discovers an open restaurant which wasn’t there a moment before. Paul’s long night is about to get a lot longer, and a lot stranger. To return home, he must journey through nine separate colors, nine separate realities – or be lost forever.

Jay Magidson has woven 9 short stories into a surreal journey of discovery and realization; a place where reality mixes with imagination. If you ever thought life couldn’t get any stranger – think again.

164 Pages – Trade Paperback
$9.95 Available from Amazon
Kindle Version coming soon

Don’t forget to leave feedback on Amazon after you read the book.  It really helps others.  Thanks.

Please take a look at other books by Jay Magidson, past and future releases:

Now Available in print and on Kindle: Shira’s Wish, Photographs by Bobbie Goodrich
Coming this Fall: In the Image of God
Coming in 2013: The Christmas Pieces and Other Stories

Share this:

  • Email
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Reddit

Like this:

Like Loading...

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Recent Posts

  • Yellow Raft – a Poem
  • A Dark Poem for Saturday
  • Art is Not Elitist
  • Inspiration’s Muse
  • Sleep Well My Dear Friend

Archives

  • December 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • March 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • November 2014
  • July 2014
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • August 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • August 2012
  • July 2012

Categories

  • art
  • Aspen Art
  • audio books
  • audiobooks
  • book reviews
  • books
  • colors
  • criticism
  • death
  • discovery
  • distopia
  • drowning
  • ebook
  • Explore Booksellers
  • fear
  • fiction
  • Gauze
  • Haleakala
  • Hawaii
  • Horror
  • humor
  • ideas
  • In the Image of God
  • ipad
  • Jeff Clarke
  • kindle
  • Madness of the Muses
  • Maui
  • mensa
  • N. A. Noel Gallery
  • Nancy Noel
  • Nausea
  • new release
  • poetry
  • Rabinow
  • Reviews
  • sandpaper
  • Sartre
  • Science Fiction
  • self-publishing
  • stratumentis
  • Threshold of the Mind
  • Time Machine
  • Virtual Reality
  • writing

Blogroll

  • Get Inspired
  • The Enigmatic Art of Ingrid Dee Magidson

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Jay Magidson - Author
    • Join 56 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Jay Magidson - Author
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: